I hate that you're dying!
by mistakendragon815
Summary: An extended scene between Alex and Ben during season 3 before Ben's operation. Episode 'I Do'


**Stuff: I don't own anything of Lost...but I want BEN!!! I love Ben, he's awesome (But very hard to become in story writing)  
I had a request from a very nice user (Elizabeth Dawson-Depp****) to do another Ben/Alex story, but nothing fluff or smutty, just an extended moment between Father and Daughter after the deleted scene 'Alex and Daddy'. If you haven't seen this part of the deleted scene in lost season 3, I suggest you do.  
Anyway, on with the show!**

"I hate you. I hate your guts. I wish you were dead." She fiddled with one of his glass ornaments to distract her and keep her composure.

The man on the chair looked down, slightly hurt to what his daughter had just cried out at him. "Well, you will get what you wished." He looked up to witness her surprise that came with a slight turn towards him and her full attention.

"What?" Alex made sure her voice was ignorant toward her father but deep inside she was genuinely surprised by his answer. She expected him to retort cruelly or to just dismiss her; not that he did that in the past but she knew she had crossed a line by directing a death wish towards him.

Ben sighed and looked at her longingly. "I have a tumor on my spine." Alex turned her head to him, her brown eyes sparkling in surprise and hatred. "I needed you to know, Alex. This tumor pales in comparison to the pain I feel over how much our relationship has disintegrated." He never meant to show as much emotion in his voice just then but he hoped Alex wouldn't notice

She didn't notice and replied coldly. "I don't care what happens to you." She made to leave but couldn't avert her eyes from her father as he bent his head, taking off his glasses and resting his forehead on his hand, rubbing his temples. She had hurt him, she realised.

A pang of guilt shot at her heart and her immediate reaction to it was to apologise, but she knew that he would never do anything like that to her, or would he? Was she being spiteful, she asked herself. Was he really saddened by her? "Alex, sit down please." Ben looked up with his placid eyes and motioned her to sit in the seat in front of him. Hesitantly, Alex walked towards him and dragged the chair from under his desk and sat. Now what? She asked herself. "I locked Karl up, but why do you accuse me of killing him?" Fragments of anger sliced through his calm voice, annoyed and hurt that his daughter hated him so much for such tedious reasons. "You have no proof."

Alex had half a mind to stand up and storm out of the room but she calmed herself and replied with a voice of venom. "I haven't seen him in weeks! Tom took him away and I haven't heard from him since. You didn't even let me see him to see how he was!" Tears threatened to spill and roll down her cheeks, but she continued. "He wasn't going to hurt me. Why did you do it?"

Ben looked away and stared at the shelves on his left. Dust had been collected by many of the old Dharma Initiative vials and containers. It reminded him of his relationship with Alex, of how old it was yet how idle it remained. There love hadn't been exchanged for almost a year, ever since Ben found out about Alex and Karl's romance. He looked back at Alex. "You know I love you Alex."

'_You know I love you Alex, don't forget that.' Ben smiled warmly at Alex from above her knee. She had hurt her foot and Ben was tenderly wrapping it up. She was 13. 'Do you want to tell me what happened?'_

_Alex pursed her lips guiltily and tilted her head downwards. She couldn't tell him that she had fallen off the swing set, competing with Karl on who could jump the highest off of it. She had lost and twisted her ankle. Karl had taken her home but disappeared moments after Ben took Alex inside, not wanting to stay around the enigmatic man for too long. 'No.'_

_Ben sighed and gentle pinned the bandage into place before leaning back on the couch in hidden frustration. Already his daughter was keeping secrets from him and she wasn't a month over 13 years old yet. 'Did Karl hurt you?'_

_Alex looked at him shocked that he would assume something like that, but considering that Karl left in a rush would come across suspicious to him. 'We were on the swings…and I fell.'_

'_How did you fall?'_

_Alex tried to think of an excuse but to no avail. She simply couldn't lie to her father. 'We were competing to see who could jump the highest, and when I jump, I hurt my foot.' She looked back up at Ben, a small smile spread across her face just for him. 'Sorry, dad.' He looked back at her with a crooked smile and pulled her into a hug. She hadn't apologized to him for a very long time._

Alex tilted her head angrily at him for making her feel guilty by expressing his feelings to her, whether they be real or fake was irrelevant. She glared at him. "I hate you." Forgetting sympathy, Alex thought it was about time he knew how she felt towards him. "I hate that you're my dad. I hate that you feel the need to lock the person I love in a room. I hate that you're locking up the people from the plane crash. And I hate that you're sick." She gasped silently. She never meant to say that last part.

This also caught Ben ever aware attention and his eyes stared hard at her, analysing whether she had meant it or not. She had meant it, although accidentally. He stood silently from his old desk chair and looked out of the window and down at Sawyer who was looking intently at the opposite cage, probably at Kate. Turning back around, he noticed that Alex had averted her eyes away from him also and was concentrating all her attention at the contents on his desk. "Alex?" He asked softly, getting her attention quickly. "Do you really hate me?"

For some reason, Alex had to think about his question. She knew she despised the way he thought and dealt with people, but she could help but feel a sense of pity, and - was it love? - towards him. Her tongue suddenly became too heavy to move and words couldn't escape her lips, so she shook her head, surprising both herself and Ben. "N-no."

She wanted to just jump over the table and hug him and tell him she was sorry, but she wouldn't allow herself to suddenly just open up to Ben and apologise for everything she had said to him. Her dignity was too high to just contradict herself, even if she just accidentally did. Not surprisingly, Ben just stood sternly against the window and looked at her with his emotionless eyes, not giving his emotions away. Unbeknownst to her, the leader of the Others was secretly crying inside, thankful that his daughter cared for him. He knew she didn't mean to say it, but admitted she meant it which was as good as any answer.

"You can go now, Alex. Thank you." He returned to his desk and pushed his glasses back up his nose. He didn't hear the familiar scraping of the chair against the cold concrete floor and looked up to see Alex still perched lightly in the chair, as if waiting for something. "Yes, Alex?"

She leaned forward and answered coldly yet softly, "Get well soon, dad."

**I hope I kept them both in character...it's very troublesome when they aren't in charcter and I get worried that when people read this they think "Urgh, Ben is not himself, this sucks" but hey! Michael Emerson is the real Ben and I don't think anyone could do a better job than him. Thanks for reading. Review if you like.  
Later Taters**


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